A Year of Not Buying into Consumerism

This may be a long post.

I havent blogged for 7 days even though I initially said I would blog every day.

This week has been a tough week. I have had deep, energetic shifts which have left me completely broken open and exhausted. I am finding that after the intense wekend of my counselling course I am then processing deeply. This is why I have not blogged. I am also going to change to blogging once a week. This feels more managebale for me with all that I have going on in my life.

What are these shifts? Why am I being broken open?

Such deep healing. Its messy, its hard, its emotional, its necessary, its wonderful, its exciting and most of all I am exactly where I am meant to be in my journey.

I swing from being positive, joyful, and in flow to being sad, crying and in fear. I struggle with the emotional feelings. Grief is also a big one that I am feeling.

The energetic shifts are between my inner masculine and inner feminine and where I am out of balance and how that is mirrored in the external. I also see where I am balanced as I feel that this also swings. I am working on understanding where the imbalances are so that I can heal and move to union. I am coming home to myself. Slowly.

This is also directly related to my decision to not buy into consumerism. Seeing where I spend money and why. I bought 2 books yesterday. Books make me happy. The first was Jane Eyre – I studied Jane Eyre for GCSE and a couple of weeks ago this book came into my awareness during a playwright workshop. I want to read it again. The second is a book by Stephen King called Fairy Tale. I havent read any Stephen King before but have watched some of his films and a conversation with a friend a couple of days ago made me curious to read one of his books. Both books were purchased from a local bookseller rather than a chain store.

Im not sure I could stop buying books. Books have always been important to me. I love language and learning and I love to escape into a good novel. I have always been an avid reader and I read to my children from the moment they were born. Even when in an incubator after having been born prematurley. My children loved books when they were young – not so much now as they are young adults but I hope they come back in time. They were always bringing me books to read. It was such a favourite pastime of ours from reading during the day, to reading at bedtime where I would make up silly voices for the characters, to reading in the bath with the waterproof books and poetry tea where they all had a special mug. Precious moments with my childen and books.

Today I was walking along the coast path to Nanjizal Beach. A very blustery day and being in the elements really helped me to integrate my healing. The wind was at times pushing me off the path. It was difficult to keep grounded and centred. I kept on and I arrived at Nanjizal Beach. Beautiful even in the gloominess and moody sky. The path is there, it twists and turns and we may get blown off course but we will end up at our destination if we trust and have faith.

Trust, faith and knowing that all is well and all is right.

With Heart

Sarah xxx