A Year of Not Buying into Consumerism

So far I am really enjoying this journey. Its very early days. So many conversations are being had which is wonderful. Its so good to question ourselves and be curious.

I am also loving the creative aspect with making the commitment to write every day. I find writing to be so healing and is really helping me to work through my emotions. If I can write through my emotions rather than spend money to suppress my emotions that is such an achievement and a beautiful legacy.

I wrote a poem earlier today that I want to share:

Loss

Who am I without him

Who am I without the familiarity

Of him

Of long standing patterns

Of the ups and downs

The passion

The softening

The calm

Then the disconnection

The chaos

The uncertainty

The self doubt

The repair 

Back to the calm

Only for the cycle to repeat again 

And again

And again

Is this who I am

A jumbled mess of anxiety 

Wanting the calm

The love

The presence

Not being able to get off this roundabout

Where is the exit

There must be an exit

Somewhere

I find the exit finally

After so many turns on what feels like this never ending roundabout 

Now who am I

Present I am an emotional rollercoaster

Still with the ups and downs

But now without him

My heart wants to heal

My soul wants to heal

My body wants to heal

I slow down

I listen

I cry

I sit with all my sadness

Sadness that it didn’t work

Sadness for losing someone I loved 

Sadness for losing myself

And sadness for my inner little girl that craved love so much that she abandoned herself.

So what have I really lost

An illusion, hope and fantasy.

I am so much more

I deserve so much more

I have a heart full of love

To now give to myself 

With Heart

Sarah xxx